Friday, May 1, 2009

Hi Denny!

And now, a much needed update. Last Friday I had the honor and privilege to attend a midnight screening of a movie called The Room. Not many people know of it, but it's gained cult status out in LA where they do Rocky Horror-ish monthly screenings. Now they've started screenings in other cities, and it's starting to get a major underground following. Why? Because it's bad. Oh dear god... is it bad. Not "Waynes Brothers let's make fun of white people and sports movies" bad. Bad to the point of utter brilliance. Although I dont know what else you would expect coming from a man that looks like this:

That's Tommy Wiseau, the director, star and mysterious genius behind The Room. But more on him later.
People love this movie- the line to get in the theatre stretched around the block and people dressed up in costume. (Side-note: I feel like you can tell a lot about the quality of the product by judging the members of the fandom. Example: Twilight fans? But to quote my friend Jon, "The Room has hot nerds".) The Room has earned itself a sizable and eager fan base, and not just out of ordinary, run of the mill NYU film nerds. FAMOUS people love it too. How do I know this? Sit down kids, and prepare to be amazed. A little back story: Tommy Wiseau is known to show up to the LA screenings and do Q&A sessions before the movie, where he treats the audience to rants on his film's brilliance and refuses to answer questions about where he's from and how the hell he was able to finance the project. After we had all taken our seats, ushers dressed in tuxedos announced that the man himself would be joining us. That turned out to be a lie; instead of Wiseau a man in a bad wig ran up in front of the screen. I was about to yell something like "How dare you deceive us, I want the real Tommy not some asshole in a wig blah blah blah" and then the man turned around to reveal his face:

I let out such a fangirly scream, all the dogs in a 10 mile radius probably went nuts. DAVID FUCKING CROSS PEOPLE! That, if anything, solidifies the brilliance of this movie. Cross took questions as Tommy and tossed a football around (makes sense if you've seen the movie) and made us laugh and solidified in my mind that the man can do no wrong. But I digress.
I'm not really sure how to describe the actual movie. It takes place in San Francisco (prompting movie goers to yell out the "Full House" theme whenever those vertical houses are shown on screen). Tommy stars as Johnny who has a lot of money and dates this girl Lisa who's cheats on him with his best friend and for some reason adopted the world's oldest orphan. The plot itself really isnt important- you just have to know that Lisa's a lying whore. Wiseau must have some serious issues with women; every single female is a manipulative liar, fixated on money, and in one case, likes to break in and have sex on friend's couches. Plot holes and technical errors abound- the movie will go out of focus, people appear with no introduction or explanation, and some of the worst usage of green screens in history are featured. Framed photos of spoons are all over the apartment where the action takes place. Lisa's mother is ill:

and never mentions it again. Denny gets beat up for buying/selling drugs and then spends the rest of the movie just being creepy:

That's him creepily staring at the pillow fight, a scene that occurs before one of the movie's many.. um... shots of Wiseau's ass pumping away. Luckily? Denny has left by then. Johnny and his friends toss around a football at incredibly close range, once in tuxedos for no reason at all. I could go on, but you really have to see it to really understand. Needless to say, it was one of the most amazing nights of my life, and I will be returning every month to throw spoons at Wiseau's dimpled ass. To finish, I'll leave you with one of my favorite scenes ever.

I have resolved to greet all dogs I encounter a la Tommy from now on.

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